*___ShE's LiViN' iN hEr OwN wOrLd_

Monday, May 30, 2005

Hey jian!! the girl's very stupid right??? hahaha... foolish beyond belief... i can't believe she said that. WAHAHA. i reeaaalllllly very much wanna write out what she said but i think i shan't in case she comes to my blog. or in case her friends come. or in case her boyfriend comes. haha... then i'll be in deep trouble.

K lah not saying that i'm very intelligent. but what she said really cracks me up. stop being so silly lah AIYO.

I think it's safe to say that... there are so many temptations in this world. if your guy wants to hurt you because he's being tempted... can you blame him? of cos CAN!! if not then?? blame the temptation itself? if this temptation did not attempt to tempt him some other will. tsktsk. so this means your boyfriend is not good ok... there are other guys out there more worthy of your eternal love and devotion if this really happens.

And do not ever believe him if he says he cheated but never wanted to hurt you. he chose to hurt you cos he chose to cheat.

Easy for me to say. it's not happening to me. but i'm just saying... as the way i see it now. if this really happens to me in future... i shall then refer to this entry of my blog haha... to remind myself again to be strong. =)

Jian says: "write something nice to read!"
Me: "like wat?"
Jian: "you think ba haha..."
*Me thinking very hard...
Me: "erm dunno leh..."
Jian: "dunno where xiaxue's inspiration come from haha... maybe her life very happening then got a lot of things to blog abt."
Me: "so my life sux lah! boohoo..."
Jian: "no lah just not as happening haha..."
Me: "we the losers"
Jian: "bleh. grumble."

What a meaningless converastion...

My life is actually quite interesting really. i've recently encountered another stalker.

Alright he's not a new stalker but he decided to turn around to stalk me again.

Alright he hasn't started to stalk me yet but why did he suddenly turn back? to stalk me!!! i hope he starts to stalk me again. it could really spice up my life & every night i could be blogging away about how a stalk works. i could conduct an interview with him. like this:

Me: so tell me... why do you like to stalk?
Stalker: it gives me thrills. the exhilarating feeling of the chase. one moment she's there. the other moment she tries to run away. and i chase. it's cool.

Me: so what kinda people do you like to victimise?
Stalker: those who are not fearful. those whom i could never seem to catch their tails. i love a challenge.

Me: ok... so... how do you go about stalking, really?
Stalker: basically i get her phone number first. from a reliable source. then i call her. i tell her that i'm rich & handsome. even when she doesn't buy that & says she doesn't like to talk on the phone i still continue to call her, and msg her. when she doesnt pick up her hp call her house. it's pretty easy-peasy.

Me: hmmm... but won't she eventually stop picking up your calls?
Stalker: yeah but i can still continue to send anonymous sms-es in chinese, saying those really freaky stuff. or continuously bug her by calling her number with public phones. (psst private number! *grins) can you feel it now?? the thrill... ahhhh....

Me: er... ok... so... so far no one has tried to get back at you? or tried to find out who's doing all the sms-ing and calling?
Stalker: oh yeah you betcha. one of her friends tried to call my anonymous number which i smsed from, asking for some freak guy John. that was when i got scared and stopped the chinese smses.

So much for an interview. to be continued, if he really does try to stalk me. *keep your fingers crossed.

P.S actually i dunno if this stalker has anything to do with the chinese-smser or the private-number-caller-who-breathes-loudly-but-never-talks. but just talking about the usual weirdos around here.

=D

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
11:55 PM

Sunday, May 29, 2005

The small print says 'Mrs Field's Brownies $2.40'

So ugly lah the model. needs make-up.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
4:45 PM

Saturday, May 28, 2005

I hate it that my mum spoils my nephew.

She lets him play with my stuff crash my com eat my stuff while pretending to scold him while laughing then sayanging him afterwards. WHAT'S DA POINT?!?!?!

ArGHH!!! this is so infuriating!!! i'm going crazy again.

That lil' BraT!!

Mummy please don't ever get angry when he does something bad to you or in future kill people set fire (sha ren fang huo) cos YOU are to be blamed!!

Ok. let's show some photos in my green top which i've decided that i don't like on the first wear.

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Jian & i

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Bra & i

All taken on monday when jian + gao + me hunt for gao's bag while bra tags along to take pics with his new and pro cam! woohoo...

Here's wednesday's kbox session photos. i happened to like that pink top a lot.

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Introducing the hottest song of the season.... Guang liang's 'tong hua'.

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He looks like he's suffering from a stroke.

Introducing an all-time favourite song....

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Most people would know how to sing the first 2 sentences...

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Jinling provides the next sentence...

Then jian's cam ran out of memory. too bad!!

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
12:21 AM

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Once again, this interesting little activity continues to spread. 2 persons found my blog by searching this name: 'cheeguan', on yahoo.com. hahaha... this time i'm tickled by it. inspired by this name-searching frenzy, i tried searching 'jinling' specifically from blogspot as well to see what i can find. but turned out that 'jinling' is too common a name and there were too many pages in all. so far didn't discover anything surprising. decided to give up. it's really too bo liao. at least 'cheeguan' didnt give too many pages. nor did *****, in fact only 2.

I've decided not to write about discouraging things today. instead, let's talk about shameless people.

I've seen and heard about too many shameless people who exist in my world. it's so disheartening. oh wait, that's somthing discouraging too i guess. why do some people behave so shamelessly audaciously immorally immodestly incorrigibly indecently lewdly unashamedly unabashedly outrageously (courtesy of thesaurus.com) they make me wanna puke out my guts and shriek "go to hell and stay there!!!" arghhHHH!!! i'm going crazy mad berserk bonkers crazed cuckoo nutty mental psycho unhinged screwy insane haywire flipped spongebobsquarepants!!!

Because people actually read my blog, i can't say what shameless & ridiculous things i'm seeing people do.

Perhaps it's just a matter of opinion.

I just feel very sad.

The people whom i claim to be friends with. whom i trust. whom i love. whom i care about. will they do these things to me too?? are they doing it now?? have they done it already??(let's not mention those that i'm already aware of)

For now let's heck those people whom i don't care about. pity them. my heart bleeds for thee.

Why do i suddenly feel that the world is so dark. why do some people thrive on miseries. it makes them feel damn shiok when they see people being miserable isit. i do not comprehend.

They must be super happy lah cos the world is full of miseries.

Yay. *Smuf's theme song at the background (lalalalalala...)

I've digressed.

So anyway, i know you probably still care for me. i still remember your recent (ironically still sweet) words of concern. however... i just thought that by not contacting you anymore, it's the bestest thing i could ever do for you. i don't ever wanna be perceived as one of those shameless people i've just mentioned above, by anyone, although i'm fully aware that i'm not.

Sometimes i DO wish that you DO read my blog.

Cos you would be glad to know that i really don't need you to be worried for me anymore. i've got jian mer bra don tru etc.

I'll try my best to see doctor when i'm sick & drink more water & not to eat snacks between meals & sleep early & stay happy etcetcetcetc.... as well.

See i remember k.

P.S i'm not sure whether i'd rather be left alone or not. but pleaseplease continue to leave me alone if you don't really care. you are ever so obliging towards others. don't ever feel obliged to do things for me anymore (if that was really how you felt). you can do yourself this favour. =)

Pms works its way again. bah.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
12:07 AM

Sunday, May 22, 2005

I'm not bothered at all. no i'm not. there's really no cause of myself getting bothered really. i mean, really! why bra do you ask me why am i so bothered. i really am not. i got nothing to do think say so i'm just doing thinking saying to occupy the extra time which would be left extra anyway. so. nope. i'd PROBABLY just wished that they'll leave me alone but it's ok lah. it's ok. i'm already doing the best i can. in the past when i thought that that was the best was actually not the best. this is then the bestest best.

So stop reminding me or making me confused.

I think i'll go sleep now and feel better when i wake up. gotta go work~ oh i think i have an idea for my next entry already. something that i feel discouraged about.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
2:20 AM

Saturday, May 21, 2005

My heart broke today... :'(

I lost my that netty scarf-belt thing. dunno how you call it properly. a scarf made of some kinda net that can double up as an accessorizing belt... :(

Not that it's expensive. it's actually very cheap. but the thing is, it's quite pretty and i liked it. and it's the first time i wore it out. and the way i lost it was bizzare.

It was just settling happily around my hips one second, then the next it poofed! gone. wu ying wu zong.

Maybe....

1) it just slipped out of my waist n dropped along the streets quietly without me knowing.

2) someone thought it was too pretty and snatched it away as she walked past, without me knowing.

3) it got caught on something (eg. clothes hanger/tree branch/someone else's bag/weird wire) and decided to stay there without me knowing.

Whatever it is, it's without me knowing. i just suddenly realized that it's gone. :( so sad.

So if anyone sees a nice netty scarf-belt thing that's purple & silver in colour abandoned along the streets of orchard road please return it to me. it's mine.

I went NUS as well. kinda decided to go NUS now. yup so anyone who hates/wants to try to avoid me, who's deciding whether to go NUS FASS can take that into consideration. i'm SERIOUS.

I saw yuanie today with her friend from her class too... i think her name is huiwen... haven't seen her for quite a long time...

I dunno who specifically searched for that name(not mine) specifically under blogspot. i hope you found what you want and is happy. i still will not refrain from saying what i want cos this is my blog.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
11:59 PM

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I took sooo many photos with mermaid today. i got invited to be on a green tea ad. how exciting!!!

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Feeing down?

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Fret not. What's this? green tea? here have some. *drinks

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Mmm... wow! that was the beat green tea i've ever tasted! the heavenly sweet fragrance that lingers in your mouth... yumm... soothes your nerves, improves your complexion and makes you look younger. (as you can see i look like 12 here)

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XX green tea. try it... ish good!

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Good things grow as we share...

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But WTH? mermaid wants to add a prawn into our tea?? "what's green tea without prawns?" so she says.

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"I'm like, SO pissed!"

*****END OF AD*****

Ya that's damn lame lah, the ad. whole truckload of rubbish. dunno who came out with it. bah.

Shall post some photos here. do people still remember that jinling looks like this?? haha... refresh your memory:

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Ay so sweet i wanna puke at myself.

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Hehe we know something you don't...

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Toilet pics...

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Hmm. an artistic pic.

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Nice happy smiling normal boring pics again....

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This is mermaid.

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She is very intellectual.

*****THE END*****

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Cya again soon!

i look so kiddish! wHy??? my parents don't look kiddish. not like jang nara she looks so damn cute but chio at the same time. even when i try to pose slut-chio i don't look slut-chio i just look plain weird like alien. babyface is so not cool. nor hot. later people think i act cute ah.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
12:31 AM

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Haven't you heard of steven lim yet? "singapore's and usa's most handsome hunk", "famous street eyebrow stylist", "yellow swimming trunk striper in sg idol", "singapore's very own top-notch celebrity/actor"... as described by the man himself.

I won't go any further in case i get sued. (pssst you know how is it these days) i can only provide you with the following link: stevenlim.net. promised to keep you wildly entertained for some time. (hey this is like free publicity)

Here's a little preview:"This web is specially created to all of you who are reading this web, which promises to keep you really entertained. Do check out all the videos and make yourself really happy/excited!!! Pls kindly take at least 5 mins to browse it. Firstly, I like to thank PM Lee Hsien Loong for his kind blessing to my career as an entertainer. Support PM Lee and his leading government. Keep our country strong and free forever!"

And we thought William Hung was the most pathetic loser on earth.

Come to think of it, will hung's actually quite smart. strictly speaking, he's just an entertainer (known world-wide!) here to grab as much money as he could while it last. although he's being made like a clown. but he knows what he's worth! so what the hell! grab the chance and make money now first!

Maybe someday he could create something for himself like Mr. Bean. he could become the trademark of a hong konger in usa or whatever.

What nonsense am i blabbering about. it's getting late.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
1:02 AM

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Today i wanna complain about the local channel 8 show that just ended. it's called 'jing zhong ren', or Beautiful Illusions.

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When i watch dramas i often like to search for loopholes and make myself all pissed and angry. i dunno what's my problem. maybe i should stop watching tv. but this stupid show has too many loopholes that i wanna write out and HAHA laugh at it forever!!!

Although i didn't faithfully watch all the episodes but i'm already quite disturbed by the following questionable points:

1) She's got it all planned so well. from the day that ah sheng got out from jail till everyone died. spent so much effort and energy to pretend to have schizophrenia and make the 2 brothers fall for her and hence fallout cos of her. REVENGE!! all the VENGEANCE. imagine all the planning! but she doesn't even know the basis of the illness? all the planning and no research?? how can???

2) And when she visited the psychiatrist he never notice anything meh? the symptoms are not even of a schizophrenic so what kinda treatment was she undergoing? did she BRIBE the psychiatrist?

3) That ah fan was so afraid that his's jie's secret would be spilled out that he killed xiao fen. how come no reaction when he saw ah sheng running out of his jie's room in a frantic, possibly having uncovered the secret himself??? or is it just that his acting sux?

4) Where got schizophrenic bring clothes along and go toilet to change one?? don't have to be an expert to know that it's bizzare already.

5) After 6 years no change in appearance at all? even if they both contain great extents of knowledge in youth preservation but no change in hairstyle at all?? i'm so bu shuang!

6) And what an abrupt ending! not enough funds?? it's like suddenly everything's happening and the storyteller's frantically trying to pick up the pieces then- THE END.

Ahhhhh what a ridiculous show! i can't stand it!!!

PLUS shen wei jun can't act for nuts. his only applaudable scene that i've seen was when he mistakenly killed ah hua and tried to stifle auntie esther, shouting:" b-bu yao han!! bu yao han!!"

Thomas perpetually has that gloomy the-world-owes-me-face.

Fann only knows how to act pretty.

Personally, i only like that Dave person haha.... helps that he looks good too.

I know a lot of people love that show but i can't help thinking that's it's just plain weird-trying-too-hard-to-act-mysterious-and-unique.

My papa watches it while cursing loudly:" bo li you! (no reason!) singapore shows all so lao ya!!" with my mummy cursing at him:" don't watch lah! complain still watch. so noisy!!"

Haha... but we both find the joy in witnessing injustice then complaining about it.

Anyone who's reading this who can help me feel better by unveiling the truth behind my suspicions please feel free to do so.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
11:57 PM

Remember that from my last entry, i mentioned a certain very special & cute pair of espadrilles that i absolutely adore and dying to get my hands on. i also mentioned that i'll never find them in singapore and if i order them online it'll cost me US$60 plus shipping fees which obviously means: outta question. (pssst i even asked my friend in australia if they have that there).

Those were the divinely desirable (to me ok) shoes you see:

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Notice that the model has gorgeous feet.

Ok. now see here:

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Whose feet is THAT??? so ugly!! but whatever!! they are my feet!! whose shoes are those??? my shoes!!!

Haha! my tommy hilfiger holly women's sandals on my feet!! woooots~! (as char would put it)

To cut the fairy tale short, mermaid & i actually set out on an unintended quest for tommy hilfiger shops today. the only shop we know is at taka which we were sure won't sell shoes cos it's just a small little corner in a departmental store pooh! so we were walkingwalking around those rich looking bulidings and took some photos (will post later). in my new heels somemore.( yup i already bought new shoes recently) so painful. charles and keith may be inexpensive but definitely not too comfortable to wear. anyway, no tommy. boohoo.

Dejected, we decided to walk to that stupid taka outlet to, haha, CHECK. To our horror of horrors, there lay my tommy hilfiger holly women's sandals! in 3 different colours! (although i know of 5)

Imagine my surprise.

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And it costs $59! sing dollars!! ok not like it's very cheap. but it's much cheaper than expected! and no shipping!

Suddenly the world seemed more beautifooool...

Even the rude salesperson didn't piss me off too much.

See there you have it. Jinling and her espadrilles. it's such an awful & selfish kind of self-indulgence. it's almost like a sin. i don't even need new shoes!! and $59?? damn ex compared to my previous shoes!! i can eat 6 mudpies! and 3 1/2 inch high! i can't even walk for long on them. what's this man. jinling is a pig!

Ay... but those were such nice shoes. i was trying them on and parading in front of the shop's mirror, which happened to be at the shop window. and people were staring at my feet! for the 1st time! i tried them on at the esplanade later again and people were staring at my feet, for the 2nd time! while bra was posing his camera at my feet. they could actually think that i'm a shoe model!! wahaha... =D

...with ugly feet! Lyn says a dancer's feet are never nice. ha! so i'm fine with my feet.

SO anyone who wants to ask jinling out for a meal can make a special request for her to put on her especially divine shoes. but limited to meals only.

I sound so bimbo right. buy a pair so-not-cheap shoes just cos they look so pretty. hey but i'm actually not. i like to read you know. remember they always had those reading programmes in primary school where the person who reads the most gets some sorta badge?

Ok i'm not that person. but i read a lot. i did a lot of book reviews. (1 for every 5 books read) and apparently they are so well-written that somehow they always appear on the class noticeboard! no kidding!

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
12:11 AM

Saturday, May 14, 2005

因為我最近剛下載了中文的軟件﹐ 所以今天便打算以中文來寫我的網絡日記。我也不知道為什麼打出來的字會是繁體字﹐ 因為我明明是輸入簡體字的。所以對於那些看不懂繁體或者華文的人。太壞了。 (too bad)

我今天發現了一雙我非常喜歡的鞋子。他們叫它作espadrilles。先給大家看一看。 Tommy Hilfiger Holly Women's Sandal﹕

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很漂亮吧。聽說有5種不同的顏色。但是還是黃色最好看。我真的很喜歡﹗ 可是不知道本地有沒有售賣。但是就算有﹐ 價錢也不便宜喲。美金六十元吧。而且還要從網上訂購﹗﹖﹗ 所以以上只是在說夢話.

真無聊。

過了這麼久﹐ 我只能輸入這麼幾個華文字。因為我的漢語拼音有一點爛。但是我還是做到了﹗ 哇哈哈﹗ 不錯吧﹗ 我雙語精通﹗ 我是無敵的﹗

其實我不是每天都會這麼無聊的。

來來來﹐送給你一首歌吧。最近剛剛發現的。( 對﹐我知道我有點慢。)

柠檬草的味道

曲：李偲菘 | 词：李焯雄 | 编：Terence Teo
他们猜我们后来有没有再见离席了才会晓得怀念
突然我记起你的脸那触动依然像昨天对自己
我终于也诚实了一点

是不是回忆就是淡淡柠檬草心酸里又有芳香的味道
曾以为你是全世界但那天已经好遥远绕一圈
我才发现我有更远地平线我们都没错只是不适合
我要的我现在才懂得快乐是我的不是你给的
寂寞要自己负责

毕竟用尽了力气也未必如愿总是要过去以后才了解
突然我记起你的脸爱不爱不过一念之间
绕一圈今天的我能和昨天面对面
我们都没错只是不适合亲爱的我当时不懂得
选择是我的不是你给的明天自己负责

给昨天的我一个拥泡曾经她不知如何是好
若我们再见我会微笑谢谢你谢谢你我尝过爱的好
我们都没错只是不适合我要的我现在才懂得
快乐是我的不是你给的寂寞要自己负责

我要的我现在才懂得选择是我的不是你给的
幸福要自己负责错过的请你把握

*****

我非常明白是沒有人會有耐性去真的讀完我的歌。嘿嘿﹗ 但是每次聽到這首歌﹐ 總會有點傷感。我還偏偏故意一直去聽﹗ 真沒意思。

今天寫的日記真的有夠費的。好無聊的一天。不過用華文寫日記還不錯。能夠溫習自己的華文又可以消磨多餘的時間。就好像今天這樣。一舉兩得。多好啊﹗

今天就到此為止吧﹗ 再見。

And in case the above looks like just symbols to you, don't worry they are only meant to be chinese words. not some weird symbols for you to decipher to read the entry. i'm not into da vinci's code. go encoding to translate the page!

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
1:06 AM

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I'm in a bitchy mood today.

I'm sick of hearing people complain about themselves getting torn over their 3 choices of universities. mind you it's not just the normal indecisiveness that most people and i possess. they tell people that they are TORN. they hate those choices. oh god why must they have to choose??!

PLEASE lah!! then just apply to one university in the first place lah!! who ask you to apply to all 3?!?! if you had wanted those choices at first then don't complain about it lah!

What a bitch jinling is. what right does she have to bitch about others. somebody please slap her.

***************

Jinling being the smart girl as she is, could somehow already figure what he wanted to say. and if i'm right... :

I've been a very selfish & self-centered girl in the pastpast, sorry to admit. i'm very flattered but i do not deserve your attention. (sounds darn familiar)

Not to mention that i've been very hurt before.

And it's not that i do not want to give myself another chance.

It's just that it's not now.

And it's not you.

I'm sorry.

And if Jinling is just another stupid girl who has totally misunderstood what he wanted to say...:

I'm still very sorry that i can't pretend to not feel uncomfortable.

Then friends would start to ask hmmms won't you be afraid to miss out on true love??

Huh wahh that's too serious lo...

But i believe that true love will prevail.

Ahem i'm not asking people to persist here.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
11:53 PM

Monday, May 09, 2005

I'm so tired now... but guess i shall blog about the movie i watched.

Kingdom of Heaven.

Besides that yummy guy, i have to say that the scenes were truly spectacular. especially the part where the Saracens are trying to break down the walls of Jerusalem. (is that correct?) reminds me of my stronghold game lol.

In a nutshell the movie started with a french blacksmith Balian (Bloom), searching to redeem his wife's sins when she committed suicide, which, under the law of christianity, she should be condemned to hell and decapitated. he thus followed his long-lost father, the celebrated Godfrey of Ibelin to the holy land of Jerusalem, where he was also knighted. and where he also promised to serve it's king and defend the land. where the bad guys tried to ruin the fragile peace ongoing between the christians and the arabs and finally succeeded in starting a war. where the heart-throb curiously earned the king's favour and rose to lead his people and have an affair with his sister.

Brandon says it's kind of a anti-religion show. haha.. true yeah... anti-the-way-people-worship-god. quotes from the characters could be highly thought-provoking. although i can't really remember what exactly they said haha, but i get the gist ok. for more chim explanation, refer to his blog. but i like the way the movie tried to portray the irony of people fighting against each other, making themselves suffer terribly... to show their love for God? because that's what God wants them to do? because killing an infidel is not murder? Balian burnt the bodies of the casualties so that an epidemic will not happen, despite the protests that under the law of christianity, they would then not be able to recarnate until dunno-when. but he says God will understand. if not, he's not God.

You love and worship God within your hearts and minds.

I liked the scene where Balian and co noticed the muslims praying by the sea.(they had to pay taxes to do that?? :S) and someone noticed that 'it's actually the same thing'.

Although up till now peace is still not restored in the holy land. the Kingdom of Heaven will always exist in their hearts. or Balian's heart.

And so, i actually thought the movie was quite exhausting to watch. haha... firstly it's long. secondly because of the fact that i'm a reasonably ignorant person who has little knowledge of the history of Jerusalem or crusades or whatever. thus i had to fight to try to understand the logics behind. and it didn't help that some of the scenes were choppy and weird and made me feel stupid and huh?? i don't really know who is who because they come in and disappear n come in randomly. and i don't feel for the characters. i just felt that Balian was yummy and his princess not so chio. i thought at some angles she actually looked like angelina jolie though. bah.

Anyway where are the Jews in the movie ah? wah i think i really don't quite understand. haha maybe i should watch again.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
12:24 AM

Saturday, May 07, 2005

I feel could myself sinking back into my depressed state again...

Sighs how???

Halp!!

I feel so stressed!!

Go away!!!

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
12:05 AM

Friday, May 06, 2005

I've never gotten drunk before. the most alcohol i've drank was a few glasses of wine that has alcohol content of maybe less than 10%??? i'm really a good girl. i wonder how it feels like to be drunk. i'm actually intrigued to try. i'll ask a close friend to sit in and record what i blabber. THEN i'll find out what i'm most bothered about in life now.

However i suggest you to stop drinking if you start to see something like this. IF you don't wanna get drunk, that is.
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dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
12:07 AM

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Some guys. just. they love themselves the most. whatever they do whatever thay say to try to cover up and make themselves look good. in actual fact they just want the best for themselves. i've seen so many now. how could i ever trust any again? i do feel satisfied being single now, for a long time. right now instead of getting all excited and chills of anticipation all over at the thought of having some guy to fuss over me, i get chills of fear at the thought of getting attached again. it's no longer pink fluffy clouds... in my mind they've become the dark threatening foreboding clouds...

That's downright depressing lah.

Maybe i just haven't met the right one yet. the one who could make me hear a click in my heart, the one who could make me feel completely safe & secure & trusting... the one who could make me feel so comfy like my big pillow and dearie bear...

I think i seek security in a man. big-time.

Ha maybe that's why i never liked those pretty boys like beckham. or toro. haha...

So fish you did figure out that i was kidding about the angmo cute guys from las vegas did you? =P but no kidding about runners in singlets(*pukes), man.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
1:09 AM

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

I realize a lot of people visit my blog on weekends or public holidays when they get pretty bored outta their skulls. haha... UNBLOCK me from msn!!!

What i bought today with Marie:
1) shoes from charles and keith (15% off)
2) black top from 37 degress (40% off)
3) slippers from j8 (dunno how much off but cheaper since we each bought a pair)
4) eyelash crimp from heeren (20% off)
5) 'Pride' vcd from ts ( no off)

What i ate:
1) waffle ice-cream from gelare ( 50% off excluding the ice-cream & the chocolate sauce)
2) baked rice from swensons ( no off)

Do i look like i'm damn rich? as though my daddy gives me $100 dollars everyday cos that's less than how much i spent today. the truth is i'm just beginning find more similarities between me and the annoying shopaholic. once i start spending money i can't stop. can't resist discounts. next time i shall forget to bring my wallet too cos it's a good way to curb spending.

**********

Boasting has always been a way of life since... life started. in the past people like to boast about how good their lives are compared to XX. how smarter (mine's-an-engineer-her's-a-taxi driver) their sons are. how bigger their kitchens are. but in recent times, boasting about how worse off yourself is, has been officially in vouge.

"You know i got cca till very late yesterday? i never do my maths econs chem plus gp homework? i never study for my test only read one page? i didn't do 5 questions for my test? i'm sooo gonna fail? the teacher hates me? I'M WORSE THEN YOU!"

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. i do that a lot too so i'm just bitching about myself now. no offense if you think this describes you.

SO why do people like to compare how worse off themselves are? do they actually feel better knowing that they are the WORST? here are the following reasons which sounds pretty understandable.

1) when you tell people that you are in a very bad situation, they wouldn't have much expectations in you. so when you really performed badly, it's expected. no sniggers nor snide remarks. they might even sympathize you. afterall she had cca till very late you know.

2) on the other hand if you had done much better than expected, people might applaud you. wow she had cca till very late leh still can do so well.

3) or it could just be your own expectations. you get less disappointed when you didn't expect much in the first place.

4) so it all probably just boils down to saving face. if i don't do well it's cos i had cca till very late. not cos i'm stupid. i'm actually very smart. stupid cca.

Give me more time i might be able to come up with more reasons. it's something too profound to describe in logical terms. but take note that boasting about how worse my situation is compared to yours, is definitely not equals to whining. the simple motive behind whining is to vent.

Even so, i still feel good knowing that i'm living much better than a lot of people i know. even though i get ADD i know of people who fail their exams. even though i look too small and kiddish at least i'm not huge or look like an auntie. even though i'm not chio i'm not ugly. even though he broke my heart i realized he actually still cared enough even when he doesn't have to. see i'm still living good when i compare myself with the worst of the worst.

dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
12:20 AM