Thursday, December 30, 2004
I never knew getting a job was this difficult. maybe i'm the one being difficult. i'm veryvery picky. it's either pay too low too boring too lonely hours not good contract too long/short location not good etcetc.. crap. or it's i don't get shortlisted. my expectations of jobs is getting lower cos i've already acceptd the fact that there's always some trade-off somehow. but can you at least offer me some decent wages?? not like $1000 when you expect me to work 12 hours daily 6 days a week & to work on public holidays & sundays!! labour abuse man.and to think that you are such a reputable company here. pooh!
so now i absolutely cannot imagine what kinda jobs i'll land myself into. it's either boring & lonely or super low wages. it's really difficult to have both ways.
Sometimes when i talk to you i can feel the impatience & hostility. i really dunno if i'm being a nuisance to you. i feel so terrible sometimes... why should we end up like that? sigh...
dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
10:29 PM
Monday, December 27, 2004
i think i know what's with my msn. should be cos of the zonealarm firewall thing, so i shut it down when i'm using msn. but then... i'll be unprotected from potential viruses.. bleh... *shrugs
Everyone says my entries sound depressed. haha.. hmms... k maybe.. i'm just.. reflecting...
Well anyway... i think i didn't use to read so much into people's actions & words, i used to be more simple... dunno why i'm like that now... for example, if somemone says: "don't think too much lah k..." i'll start thinking "oh he wants to get off the subject. he must be very irritated talking to me already. he must be thinking that i think too much i'm a freak!!something's wrong with me!! why do i think so much?? i've got a problem..." something like that.. ok maybe i'm exaggerating a lil' =P well... at least i'm not the only one, tru has similar thoughts sometimes too heehee...
Sigh... maybe i just need the assurance. i hereby apologize to anyone whom i've been an annoying pest to. sorry for sounding sarcarstic or throwing tantrums or bombarding you with bo liao messages sometimes..it's my illness. i've got a BUG on me. i think the BUG came to me like end of last year... i thought i've shaken it off but it came back again, more persistant than ever. i think everybody's huh-ing no one understands what i'm crapping about. haha but i'm telling you it's TRUE. i don't wanna keep feeling like this i need to find some meaning in my life again!!! Whew. haiz...
Last night i had this weird dream of a big-sized guy which wansong brought to my house one fine day. he had a name, called Larry. he was actually quite good-looking, half-caucasian. he was real playful, kept playing weird tricks in my house.. so funny.. but i liked him a lot. suddenly i was in the beach thinking about the past, he appeared out of nowhere, just when i wanted to see him the most. he apologized & asked am i being too playful? am i too irritating? i'm sorry i'll try not to next time. i assured him no lah you are not! you make me laugh lots!
Is there any relevance to what i've said previously above? NO. i just wanna say that i often have interesting dreams like this which are fun to dream about. i dunno if there's any relevance to my life.
dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
11:47 PM
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Something brandon said recently triggerd my following thoughts: have i really changed so much over the years? With reference to one of my past entries, i said that chances are, your first boyfriend would not be your last. This was what he said: "i thought you always think that the first boyfriend should be the last?" that's true... if he hadn't mention it i would have forgotten how foolish I had been in the past. REALLY. i replied: " if he's the right person lah." i sound kinda duh right. Me: "it's unrealistic" brandon: " no it's just idealistic". well... at least our objectives & expectations of our relationship has to be the same right...
So that's a change in my viewpoint. in addition, i've started to question whether there really exist 'tian chang di jiu de ai' (forever lasting love). after the initial crush feelings what comes next? is it just the responsibility of the relationship? is it cos you've grown so comfortable with each other that you just want to spend the rest of your lives together? how do you maintain the initial lovey dovey feelings? it's more difficult to sustain a love than to fall in love. hope that someday someone will show me it's possible.. i rarely regret the things that i've done, but often those that i hadn't done. So chim... haha... =P
In summary you can say that i've lost much confidence in love. if someone comes to me saying 'i love you' i'll start to wonder how much does he love, how long will he love, how much he'll cherish the relationship, how will he treat me when his love starts to fade... you must be thinking that i'm thinking too much!! I know... but perhaps i'm just very afraid of being hurt. HOWEVER... i'm still looking forward to hearing 'I love you' again despite. Interested please send in resume hees...
Wah what a long entry already. To be continued tomorrow!
"City sidewalk Busy sidewalk Dressed in holiday style In the air there's a feeling of Christmas..."
dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
10:46 PM
Saturday, December 25, 2004
10 reasons why jinling always feel so cheated
1)people always cheat her
2)she's an insecure lil' girl
3)she tends to think towards the negative side
4)people always cheat her
5)she looks naive & fun to cheat
6)she could believe in things that are unbelievable
7)people always cheat her
8)she keeps her hopes too high
9)she's easily hurt
10)people always cheat her
Top 10 cheats of the year which i can remember
1)cheated by Love: it's not as simple & wonderful as i thought it would be.
2)cheated by My computer: it gives stupid shitty problems which are simply plain irritating but too minor to be reformatted. it's real clever too cos it can actually trick you into believing that the problem is solved sometimes so that your guard is down.. then it strikes again.
3)cheated by Friend: after all that i've done for you thanks for your betrayal in return.
4)cheated by Nokia: what good is it other than being user-friendly. it has terribly long customer service queues.
5)cheated by Loreal: simply went for two interviews to find out that they don't hire temporary staff.
6)cheated by Recruit Express: which led me into being tricked by Loreal. anyway it's not efficiet at all.
7)cheated by Tour agency: mostly bringing us to factories to contribute to their GDP.
8)cheated by Plaza singapura pizzahut: your crew is screwed.
9)cheated by Wangba: you always trick me into thinking that you are super hungry.
10)cheated by The rest of the cheats which i have forgotten
It's Christmas!! here i am complaining about being cheated. haha.. Brandon says we should open our hearts and be forgiving on Christmas. hmms... alright i forgive the pizzahut crew & wangba & the little cheats for now.. the rest maybe next christmas.
MeRrY ChRiStMaS hope the following year will be more smooth-sailing~
"It's beginin' to look a lot like Christmas Soon the bells will start And the thing that would make them ring is the carols that you sing Right within your heart..."
dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
1:13 AM
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Just came back from 13/03 chalet.. Hees quite fun especially the cycling & talking part.. but 2nd day at night was quite xian.. maybe cos everyone was kinda tired already. My class is so domesticated(unlike people like me) haha.. you guys willingly do all those things like cooking nicenice delilicious spagetti & clam chowder & ginger biscuits etc so sweet! hee.. but i did help too k.. lower-risk things like chopping lettuce, less unlikely to screw up =P
I think jay chou's jie kou has become mine & tru's theme song.. haha dunno who started singing & for that 3 days we kept singing it when we were bo liao. what a sad song.. but my current favourite song cos.. it's just very sweet.. the sentence which made me feel the most: wo zhi dao ni de tong shi wo gei de cheng nuo.. er which means i know my promises to you caused you pain, just in case. how true...
I feel sorry my blog doesn't allow for comments cos i don't speak html. i thought i was already being very clever by piecing together my blog like a jigsaw puzzle but coming out with new things by my own is beyond me. Any comments please tag my board cos i like people to leave messages for me hees.. =D
"Christmas is comin' the goose is getting fat Please put a penny in the old man's hat If you haven't gotta penny then a ha' penny will do If you haven't got a ha' penny then god bless you!"
dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
3:44 PM
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Feeling so bored now...
Hmms.. watched 2 movies this week.. The incredibles was real cute. Bridget Jones diary was alright.. a lil' moving.. supposed to give average girls like me more hope to love. hmms.. Bridget was cute too. with her clumsiness and all.
My phone crashed. the screen got stuck while i was browsing through the phone, when i restarted it it got stuck at the welcome screen. GREAT. stupid phone with all the problems %$&^*# piece of #*$@! DON'T ever buy nokia 3200 no matter how inexpensive it is or how funky it looks cos it's #%&*@ and pooh who wants to design their covers anyway. bleh. pooh!
Heard from trudi that kok wai passed away recently... for a moment i was in total shock. i heard that he was going back to school soon and i was really happy for him. didn't expect that to happen. sighs... *space out
The extreme lonliness i feel sometimes overwhelms me... im aware of the friends around me... just that maybe i need more care. anybody reading this entry please show this pathetic little loser here more care. haha...
dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
8:08 PM
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Your first boyfriend shouldn't be too perfect.
Why is that so? well.. here are my 2 main reasons:
1)Chances are, your first boyfriend would not be your last, unless if you are already at the age of 35 & above
2)Your first boyfriend has already set the so-called benchmark. it's just difficult to accept someone of less making. you just won't stop comparing.
Above is just some of my personal thoughts, you are allowed to call me an idiot & give me your few cents worth... or add a few more reasons ;-)
It's real nice to have a boyfriend, to have someone to nuture me spoil me take care of me love me & always be there for me... hmms... nevermind... being single also not bad lah hor =D
Love is a condition when the other person's happiness is essential to your own.
dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
10:14 PM
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Hmms i haven't been updating my blog for a longlong time.. partly cos i'm lazy.. what a lazy me.
Well to summarise the past few weeks' happenins', i came back from china, brought back some little stuff like tidbits, accessories & little things to give away to my friends! nothing like clothes or shoes cos it's all winter over there.
Then there was prom.. super boring but that was expected anyway. didn't have many people from my class attending.. the food was like urgh since they figured out no one's there to eat anyway. so most of the time we were walking around chatting & taking pictures. some people looked really different from usual boring school days.. guess some do-ups can really make wonders.
I coloured & permed my hair.. The colour was alright i guess, turns light easily cos my hair's originally brown-based. i hate my hair now... pleah... so dry & messy... the stylist said to give it some time to settle it'll look really nice... i doubt so...
So now i'm back to my completely aimless life again. class chalet on 22th 23th 24th so i can't possibly start working now. i really feel so empty inside, as though somene had dug a hole in my heart. what's with my life??? get a grip get a grip!!!
I shall hereby pay a special contribution to my sisbra.. hehe.. who has always been here for me these days. he's always there! to here me speak, accompany me & to fix my com! hahaha... i'm really grateful to you bra, although i may not always show it. =D
I guess i've always been a very dependent person. My friends make me who i am to day =) anyway who am i actually?? haha..
I've always wondered how long it'll take before i can get into a new relationship. not anywhere soon i guess. after everything, i find it very hard to trust men in that way again. i'm not being resentful here and saying that i've put my trust in the wrong hands. it's that after the 100% trust & love & everything that i've put in i may not get the same in return... it may not necessarily end up well... i know it's much easier for you, or maybe it's just guys... =P or maybe i'm just a person who's not too optimistic.
I dunno if you & i could ever be like beforebefore again if you know what i mean. If we hadn't talked, all the misunderstandings would get in the way. I've always treated you as one of my best friends & i probably always will unless you tell me not to =) (see i'm being very gracious here =P)
dara lost in [[fairytale]]-land
6:13 PM
